ok. this is not getting anywhere... I know it seem pathetic for me to blog all this thing out but i really got no where and no one to go to alr..
155th entry- One of my many troubles..

Today, as usual, i was late for my school. Lesson starts 9 and i reach school at 935hr. I decided not to attend lesson since he's going to not mark my attendance if i go late. I sat at kuofu alone trying out my C# project but it didnt bring me anywhere. I saw my ' Classmates' and i decided to move to library. On the way to library, I asked myself ' why do i have a fucked up life in poly? and why when everyone is enjoying themselves in poly and im here-left all alone?' I tot back, if i were to do well for my Os and get into a course of my interest, will i still be left alone like this? I kept tell myself to stay strong and continue my life in the course of study, i keep asking myself to study but i know, i admit-i didn't. What is wrong with me?-

Can someone guide me through this darkness of my life?- I was talking to my JAWS people. I was really amazed that one of them actually tot of settling down already and for the others, they already got the life-to-be in mind. And me?- my future is still so dark and unclear.. I'm really worried about myself.. plain worried are never enough, i know i need to do something even more.. but what?-

alot of people ask me why am i so into scouting? what did scouting actually do to make me so into it. I have no answer until recently i tell myself 'because i feel the sense of belonging in The Fox Scout Group.' Did i have any for NYP? For Traders? NonONO! =(
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To the personal guardian angel of mine, you seem to be so far from me.. you seem to not guard me anymore like before. Everything seem so different now.. Where are you, guardian angel.? are you sill mine? are you still with me? can i still make a wish?...* this do not refer to anyone, it truly refers to the personal guardian angel of mine. I believe, there is one with everyone...*
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dechengx-